Surprisingly I have had a splendid day. I actually found cause for celebration in turning 40. No mean feet given my propensity for drama and nihilism . It has been instead something of a joyous revelation that I have bothered to stay alive for so long. Paradoxically, this entire entry should have been given over to the frustrated musings and embittered ramblings of a life gone woefully astray. I could, should and indeed always intended today to stand as an emblem of sadness, a towering monument to  the accumulated failings of my life. I was due to tell you that the gods had not just frowned upon me but that they had repackaged their toxic loathing and sold me off to a less scrupulous trader from the bank of hades. Furthermore I was sure to elaborate upon the syphilitic rat of debt that had recently run amok through my life and to further burden you with the sum of all injustices committed against me and my noble esoteric heart.
But instead I am unwittingly and unsentimentally happy. Quite why this is or how this uncertain state occurred, I am  for the moment at least, reluctant to discover. Suffice to say that I am content to be here and, like the runner who reaches a halfway toilet stop with most limbs and lungs intact, I am pleasantly relieved. I feel for once to be midway along an infinite line and I am glad to be here. Sure, this homespun reassurance and fresh relief may yet prove to be the spiritual equivalent of checking that my balls are in place and that my cock hasn’t remarkably absconded beyond the reach of my hand. But much as is the case with both life and those treasured sweet meats it is nice to feel something and  I shall be holding on to both for the foreseeable future .